You’re Brave for Getting Married

There are many decisions in life that some consider brave, such as skydiving, rock climbing, or bungee jumping, but I personally believe that the bravest decision a human being can make in life is marriage. Here are some reasons why I respect any soul who jumps into the “I do” situation:

1. Divorce rates seem to be approaching the 50% mark these days, so you’re truly living on the edge with this gamble.

2. All of the people I’ve met in life (including friends and family) are divorced or were divorced at some point…OR come from a divorced family. Think about it.

3. I can barely take care of myself, so I can’t imagine taking care of someone else for the next few decades….. (Well at least I admit it)

4. People getting married realize that they will lose all sense of fashion or even get dressed by their spouse.

5. Getting married means you often start shopping at places you would not regularly be seen dead in and you say really stupid stuff like “oh, that’s our favorite restaurant”.

6. You now have to answer to someone else when you want to go anywhere or see your friends or do anything at all. WHAT IS THAT?

7. You have another routine on top of the normal routine that you have worked all your pointless life to master.

8. Forever is a long time. (Use your imagination on this one)

In Summary: Good luck. But seriously kids, as sarcastic as it comes across, I do wish you the best. You are the bravest person on the planet if you get married, so never forget that.

You Give Your Whole Life

I’m thankful for the concept of work and for the ability to do work. I also realize that without working, we would not have food, water, shelter, entertainment, computers, telephones, etc.

I do, however, find it both amazing and quite depressing that most of our lives are given up to the workplace mainly because this fact is often overlooked and under appreciated. Spending most of your life at work may not be so bad if you are a Hollywood star, but the average human being spends more time with co-workers and supervisors than they do with their own families or friends.

This is something we should always remember so that we respect not only the workplace, but more importantly we respect others around us, whether they be co-workers, subordinates, or even our bosses (as they are known to be difficult). But we spend so much of our lives in this rat race and most of the stress we make is simply made up by bad attitudes and lack of respect. It is sad to see people knickle and dime each other over petty things and add to each others stress each day. I suggest that you think about this the next time you step into your workplace, because it is honestly a home more than a job.

-From the Mind of the EgoAssassin

5 Ways to Start Getting Noticed in Public

Are you sick of being average and always fitting in with the rest of this boring society? Try these tips on for size the next time you’re in public and you’ll be sure to start getting some attention….finally. Oh, and it’s only funny if you do these things with a serious face as if there is nothing wrong.

1. Wear tighty whitey underwear on the outside of your pants (I don’t mean just guys, girls too)

2. When strolling down the street, put a dog harness on a wild rabbit & walk it around town. (make sure you have a dead serious face of course)

3. When pumping gas, jump on the hood of your car and start doing the robot while simultaneously yelling out the amount of gallons that you’ve paid for.

4. When your co-workers ask you a question, just respond by hissing back at them like a cat.

5. Wear a giant watch on your forehead with a sticker of your face on it.

-From the Mind of the EgoAssassin

Stop Talking About Nothing

During my experiences walking around doing monotonous and boring things each day, I realize how so many of us humans talk about complete nonsense. I enjoy joking around and often spit out my share of meaningless conversation, but I’m talking about continuous, 100 percent meaningless dribble passed off as regular discussion, all day long in this country. I’m sick of hearing people talk about the most pointless and self serving garbage in life. And to add insult to injury, it’s uninteresting, shallow, and laughable subject matter in the big scheme of things. Our society is out there talking endlessly about stupid TV shows, stupid cars, stupid houses, stupid clothing, stupid possessions, and other really stupid things that we think are getting us far “ahead” in life. And my response to this drudgery is… SHUT THE HELL UP!

The lack of any real subject matter and substance in todays general conversation is getting out of hand. What happened to talking about actual problems we are faced with or how we can help each other out? What about taking on the countless life and death issues around the globe that make our problems seem minute. And we as a people seem to fit in our talks about “elections” or “environmental issues” to pretend we actually know any facts when in reality, we’re just repeating the same garbage heard on the over produced news channels and from co-workers gossip loaded tongues.

I have a suggestion for all of you talking about nonsense 90% of the time: Shut your mouth and start making positive changes in life. Then please continue discussing your possessions, achievements, and good looks.

SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP. I’m sick hearing people talk about nothing. It’s really nothing. Or the second choice is to eat more food, go shopping, eat more food, complain, consume, eat more food, work a bit, eat more food, then talk about the food you ate and the shopping you did.

-From the Mind of the EgoAssassin

I’m Sick of the Phrase “Down to Earth”

Yet another irritating phrase I hear in life is how “down to earth” people are. For example, a co-worker will describe someone they know by saying: “Oh James is a great person because he is so down to earth”. And my response to this statement is…..WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

Down to earth? Does that phrase translate into meaning that a person has the amazing and unique ability to use some common sense? Is it a special gift? Or perhaps it means that the person is an average Joe who can relate to everyone regardless of financial class or social status? Can anyone tell me what “down to earth” actually means?

Like with any loaded phrase that is meant to have some deep symbolic meaning, you have to consider the source. When someone comments that they think a person is “down to earth”, I always wonder where the person making the comment ranks on the sanity meter in the first place. I will be the first to admit that I’m not a normal individual, so why would I personally pretend to know what “down to earth” people act like? And far beyond just being strange, what if the person making this statement is a complete nut case? That would mean that in their world view, people who are fellow psychopaths are “down to earth” as well.

So who is really down to earth? If you find that person, please let me know.

What Does “Competitive Pricing” Mean?

I’m sick of hearing this phrase “competitive” thrown around when someone is trying to sell me their goods or services. So many sales pitches come down to the ambiguous description of a product being”competitive”. But what does this actually mean? Competitive compared to what? And who decided that the overall price of a specific product was competitive in the first place? What about the current gas prices? Are those competitive too? I thought the word competitive was derived from the word “competition”, which doesn’t necessarily guarantee fairness at all. Obviously the entity making the most profit decides on what is “competitive” and what is not.

This does not only stop on the commerce level. I see this same lingo being used on many job postings online as well. Instead of being transparent about the salary range a company is willing to pay for a position, the HR department throws out a description reading, “Competitive Salary”, as if this means anything at all.

Hopefully they will do us a favor and provide comparisons when trying to entice us with this line. That way, we might have an idea of what competitive scale is being described. Not everyone is as naive as the sales force thinks they are, and most of us are savvy enough to see through semantics like this. It is only a matter of time that these knuckleheads start backing up their big talk with some real numbers.

I have personally found that when businesses are more forthcoming with their services or the reasons for their prices, I’m much more likely to trust them and become a frequent customer.

This is a flashback of those used-car salesmen back in the 90’s who used to quickly talk over the customer when they pointed out noticeable defaults in the vehicle. “Oh don’t worry about it…because it is competitive pricing“.

The Obsession With Telling Each Other What We Do.

I’m guilty of this one big time. I always find myself telling other people what I do and what I am working on, as if it is the utmost importance or relevant data. To be honest, I’m sick of everyone telling me what they do and as equally sick of telling people what I “do”. Does anyone else notice that this topic gets injected into the vast majority of our conversations in life. It is like clockwork when you meet someone, they are going to lay on you the big line “so what do you do”? And I never questioned this nasty habit until now and I must ask myself: WHY DO I HAVE TO DO ANYTHING for you to talk to me? Or for the conversation to be interesting. I mean, I understand you want to get to know me better, but honestly I do not think you can summarize the majority of people by hearing a quick blurb of what they “do”. Does anyone realize that usually we cut out all the most embarrassing and lame parts of our lives when meeting people for the first time, and we end up making our lives seem like some action film, instead of telling people how our lives actually are. (not so ground breaking or amazing)

It is good to learn more about people, but can we find some creative ways to network? I mean can you ask someone what they dreamt of the night before or something off the wall like that. Why not? Is that too personal of a question?

Imay have a cynical idea on professions, routine, and accepted trends, but I do know that there is a big difference between what people say that they do vs. what they ACTUALLY do. For that matter, there is even a bigger difference between those things and what they really want to do. The truth is that many of us work particular jobs because they where available and worked out, not because we really want to do those things for the next 80 years.

I propose that instead of asking people what they do, we ask each other what they WANT to be doing. Who knows, it might make for a more interesting conversation.